What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
