...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
