Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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