Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
