upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
