Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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