Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
