Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
