Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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