Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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