i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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