Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
