I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
