if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
