Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
