Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
