That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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