Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
