Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
