from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
