Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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