I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
