i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
