Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
