its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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