Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
