Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
