Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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