got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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