We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
