he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
