I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
