nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
