kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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