they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
