If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
