Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
