he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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