I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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