I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
