Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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