Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
