Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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