Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
