i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
