Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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