I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
