I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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