I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
