Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
