If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
