Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
