Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
