my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
