neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
