Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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