SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
