I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
